On Being Slow

Stopping in the middle of a training run.... This sign says it all!

I am not a fast runner.  I state often how slow I am.  When someone congratulates me on a race, I always feel I need to follow up that compliment with a "well,  I run really slow".  When I end up talking about running, even to people who really don't know me, I always feel like I have to clarify that I run slow.  As if running slow doesn't qualify me as a runner.  Its a problem I have.  I've thought a lot about it why I do this.  Part of it is I really don't feel like a "real runner".  But, honestly, I also want people to understand that if I can do it, they can too.  That running doesn't have to be fast to count.


There seem to be two line of thoughts.  Those that believe that to be consider a "real" runner, you need to be competitive.  You need to have thoughts of Boston on your mind.  Others believe that as long as you are going out and putting in the miles, you are a runner.  The funny thing is that I believe that as long as you are out there running, then you are a runner.  Except for me.

I work hard at my running.  I push my heart rate.  I might only be running at around a 10 min/ mile pace, but my heart rate is in zone 4.  I run 3-4 times a week, logging my miles in consistently.  I follow training plans.  My pace is not because I am a casual jogger.  My pace just is.

So one marathon, one half-ironman, countless other tri's, half-marathons, and other races..... I still have to tell myself that I Am a Runner.

Who is your inspiration?

I am tagging onto my last post.  I love reading about inspirational people.... but honestly?  Most of them that get written about, I don't find my inspiration from.  Although those marathon winners, Olympic athletes, and race winners are amazing, they are out of my league.  So I want to spend some time talking about who I actually get my inspiration from.

Kara Goucher and Ryan Hall are amazing athletes.  But no matter how many Yasso 8
00's I do, I will never be considered fast like Bart Yasso.  So for me, these people don't really inspire me.  I respect what they can do, how hard they work, how fast they run.  But they don't inspire me to run.  That comes from the people that I know personally.

One example is a friend who I think has the mental toughness of a battleship.  She quite often uses her runs to work out the many difficulties that life is throwing at her.  She doesn't spend her time on her runs wallowing about how life isn't fair (and it isn't.... she has had to deal with more than what is "fair") but buckles down and lets her body work.

My coach and training partner both inspire me.   Both of them are two of the most upbeat people I know.  They make me laugh, they live their lives with no regrets, and they both have hearts the size of Texas.   They both have achieved great things athletically, but I find that is only part of the inspiration.

Me and my girl after her first half marathon.  And, yes, she beat me!

My last example are my daughters.  My middle one decided she wanted to run in 7th grade.  She started out running with me and barely being able to run 200 yards.  Just this past year, as a freshman in high school she completed her first half marathon.  Now, that?  That is inspiration.

There are so many other examples of people who inspire me.  For this purpose, I tried to limit it to those who inspire me to run, bike, and swim.  But I could go on and on with people around me who inspire me to be better.

How to Become More.......

I got a wonderful compliment from a friend recently.  My first instinct was to dismiss it..... "nah, not me"  Then after some thought I decided that maybe I should just accept it.  But to accept it, I also had to think about why I could believe it.  I know I am being very vague right now.... but stick with me.  I think that being vague is actually better here.

I decided I could believe it because I do believe that as I get older, I get better.  I am not necessarily faster, prettier, skinnier, or any of that which we most often judge ourselves and others.  But I am better.  I am better at figuring out what is important.  I am better recognizing my strengths and laughing at my weaknesses.  I am better at stretching myself to discover new things.  When I was in high school, my athletic ability was being able to march in marching band.  Within the past week?  I have learned that I am capable of finishing a half ironman.... and within the legal time limits!  The person I am today is NOT the person I was 25 years or so ago.

Now.... back to the question about why I could believe it.  Or, maybe the better question is why I have gotten better at those things.  That, I believe, has everything to do with surrounding myself with strong amazing people.  I remember as a teenager, instead of choosing my friends based on similarities, I tried to choose them based on their social standing in the school.  Obviously that didn't go over well.  Now, I could care less about social standings.  Instead, I have chosen to hang around people that I find interesting, that I have stuff in common with, and that I find inspiring. This has taken time and work.  I am not good at making friends.  But I have found them.  And  they are all amazing people.  They are constantly inspiring me to become better.

So, my advice is.... do you want to run?  Surround yourself with people who love running.  Do you want to cook/bake?  Surround yourself with those who have mastered that art in the kitchen.  Do you want to write?  Read more and surround yourself with those who have a passion for reading and writing.  Those amazing people are out there.  And when you surround yourself with them, you become more amazing as well.  And maybe..... just maybe..... you can help inspire someone else to find their own little bit of amazingness.

Marble Falls Half-Ironman Recap

My recap starts the night before the triathlon.  There were four of us that were doing this tri.  We all headed out to Marble Falls the day before to go to the athletic meeting and stage our bikes.

Amazing staging area.... bench with my name on it!

 Our four sherpas (friends that were coming out as race support and to cheer us on) met us in the evening for dinner.  At the end of dinner I received a call from my bear, my 10 year old.  We are talking and she tells me to win my race.  I laugh and tell her I am not going to win it.  She says, with the wisdom of a 10 year old, "Win it in your mind mommy"  Those words were more powerful than either one of us knew at the time.  They became my mantra and brought me to tears many times during the day.

Race number, ready to go?

After dinner and a restless night sleep, we were up at 5 am to grab breakfast, check out of the hotel, and head to the race site.  I, of course, had my jacket on inside out.  It is what I do.  We got to the site shortly after 6 and proceeded to lay out our stuff near our bikes and get into our wetsuits.  Our sherpas were there already with coffee in their hands and smiles on their faces.  Really, they were amazingly cheerful for that hour of the morning!  One of the girls proceeded to put her wetsuit on backwards.  Much laughter..... and then I realized I had mine on inside out.  As I said, it is what I do.  Luckily it was caught before I was in the water and corrected.

The water temp was a brisk 65 degrees.  It was certainly cold getting in, but we quickly warmed up as we started swimming.  The swim was a mass, in the water start.  It wasn't as bad as I expected.  The first 200 yards was a fight for position, but then it thinned out enough to find a spot.  My swim was good and smooth and one of the best swims I have had in a while.  I barely went off course and kept mostly to the inside.  The only complaint was that my feet were cold.  My feet would be my 'achilles heal' all day.

I exited the swim literally right behind my training partner.  Darn it.... I can't believe she beat me!  AGAIN!  She was faster at transition.  I was busy applying my sunscreen and talking to the people around me.  It was going to be a long day, and I felt one or two more min. in transition time was not going to make or break me (Cindy.... I am not Jules!)  I headed out on the bike.  It was an immediate uphill, but I was prepared for that.  I had been told that the shoulder would be smooth, but it was mostly chip seal which made for hard riding.  The bike course was mostly an out and back made up of rolling hills that were mostly farm land. The indian paintbrush and the bluebonnets were in full bloom and  were breathtaking.  I was being passed a lot on the bike.  It was frustrating but I kept telling myself that it must have meant my swim was good.  It only took about 15 miles into the bike before I had to result to some mind tricks.  I started singing songs in my head.  I spotted my training partner at one turn around.  She was only a mile or two ahead of me. But I didn't really worry about catching her.  My body was hurting.  My back and shoulder were really bothering me and I was just focused on keeping the pedals moving.  I hit the "hard" spot.  There was a 10 mile section that we were warned would be mostly up hill and into wind.  The wind was holding off, the clouds were still mostly covering the sky, so the ride was hard, but not overwhelming.  I saw the sherpa team for the first time since the swim at about mile 30.  It was a welcome sight to see them and Frieda cheering on the bikers!   A quick stop with them so I could grab  some motrin, which helped a lot.  Right before I spotted them, I also spotted the other three girls.  I knew they were ahead of me and it was nice to see where they were at.  I was glad that they all seemed to be having a good bike ride so far.  Another quick turn-around and I got to ride back down the hills.  It was nice to be able to go fast and I felt I was making up some time.  So far, I was happy with how the bike was proceeding and was pretty good at keeping some of the demons at bay.  I was now counting down the miles.  And then 10 miles left in the bike and I lost the loving feeling.  The voices in my head told me I was dead last.  I was alone except for the occasional biker passing me.  And the full-ironman leaders started to pass me here.  My voices told me I didn't belong here.  And that is where my bear's tidbit came back to me.  I might finish last, but I was going to win in my head.  I hit chip seal yet again and it was reverberating through my body.  My left foot was having such sharp pains I concentrated on pulling up on my pedals to try to alleviate the pain.  I was hitting the run course in the last 7 miles of the bike and all I could think of was how far it was.  The demons were winning.  One of the sherpas drove past yelling encouragement and all I could say was how much I hated being there at that moment.      I just kept repeating that I might finish last, but I would do it with dignity and win in my head.  Finally I made it to transition.  The race director assured me I wasn't last, but I wasn't sure I believed him at that moment.  I pulled in to transition in tears and ready to just pull out and not finish.  The thought of 13 miles was overwhelming at that moment.
A quick text to Drew "This sucks" and I reluctantly headed out to run.

I met another woman who was the same pace as me.  We talked shortly as we started out. It is surprising how little things like touching base with another racer can help get you past some hard spots.  It was still hard, but it went from "I'm quitting" to "one step in front of the other"   I decided to try a 4 min run/ 1 min. walk.  I made it to mile 2 and dropped off my water belt because I couldn't stand the feel of it around my waist.  Again, we were running mostly up hill.  It was hard.  I decided that 1 min. walking was not enough and changed it to 6 min. running and 2 min. walking.  But mostly it was running downhill, walking up hill.  The people participating in the race were so incredibly friendly. At my first mile or so into the run, I was passing the leaders who were headed to the finish.  Quite a few of them high fived us and offered words of encouragement.  I have never seen that behavior before and it was very uplifting.  I noticed that some of these leaders were also walking which made me feel better about the amount of walking I was doing.  Shortly after mile 4 Dee (one of the sherpas) joined me.  She talked to me, encouraged me, offered me water, and brought my spirits up.  She was a huge help to me.  I started also talking to some of the other runners that I was "running" close too.  It was great to hear their stories as well.  Took my mind off my own pain.  And I kept trudging along.  A lot of walking, but I ran as much as I could.  The run was an out and back on the same road as the bike.  It was hot and muggy with no shade at all.  On the road.  The run was brutal.  So I kept singing nursery rhymes and counting steps.  And walking.  When I had one of the sherpas by my side it helped immensely.  I am not sure I would have finished if they had not spent so much time running or biking beside me.  I finally made it to 2.5 miles left and Cindy, my coach met me with a ice cold coke.  That tasted so amazing!  One last hill, and I actually ran the last mile in completely.  Between Cindy and the coke, I could do it.  I think it might have been  the most amount of running at one time that I did on the course.  But I ran across the finish line.

Hot, tired, last to finish, but DONE!

T-2 Self Talk

GULP!

Only two days away from the race.   I am struggling with eating well. ( Oh chocolate, you evil temptress)   I am having dreams nightly; last night I forgot to bring my tri shorts and top to the race so I was naked underneath the wetsuit and trying to figure out how to bike and race.  I am wiggly and cranky.  In other words..... all looks to be normal!

The hardest part about right now is the self-talk.  It is so easy for me to doubt my abilities.  Will I make the cut-off?  Does the race really count if I am slow?  

I know the negative demons will come out and sit on my shoulder many times during the race itself.  Will I be able to ignore them?  Will I be able to drown them out with positive talk?  My mantra will be "I may be slow, but I am out here doing this"  But even that is somewhat negative.  It is something I really struggle with.  I am going to try writing reminders on my arm for the first time.  Reminders of what inspires me and why I am doing this.  Reminders of people and events that I can dedicate this to.

I will be strong.  I will be focused.  I will have fun.  I will appreciate and honor my body.  And I will look forward to refueling with that double cheeseburger and a beer at the end

!

Shhhhh..... don't tell

I have a secret.  I like wine.  No, not whine, although I do enough of that also.  Wine.  I like to enjoy a glass or two at night after dinner, when the girls have started to settle and I am finally sitting on the couch.  As a mom, that is accepted.  As an athlete?  Not so much.  I should be eating clean.  I should be forgoing alcohol.  It affects performance.  I can tell.... if I have a glass the night before a hard workout, I certainly can tell a difference.  But it is that whole silly balance thing.  I want to enjoy life.  Enjoying life means that I want to perform to the best of my ability, whether it is running or being mom, or what not.  But it also means enjoying that cookie, or the dinner out, or that glass (or two) of wine in the evening.

So, T- 4 days until my race, and I am enjoying what will probably be my last glass of the week.  After that..... sigh.... I will have to focus on making sure I am hydrated and eating well.  But for now?

CHEERS!  (And yes.... my wine glass has a triathlete symbol of swim, bike, run!)

Tuesday:  Night workout with group.... easy run, 45 min bike, easy run (10 min)

Needles In My Ankle

My ankle has been bothering me throughout my training.   I know... at my age, and with this type of training I am damn lucky it is just an ankle, right?  It is so hard to tell; what is injury, what is age, what is just another excuse to take it easy.

I have been trying to work out whatever kinks in my body that would possibly cause my ankle distress. I have been well acquainted with my foam roller.  I have done calf raises and calf stretches. I walk around the house on my toes and my heels.   But as the weeks went on, the stiffness and pain were getting more pronounced.  At this point, there were a couple of options.  One would be go see a doctor.  I am pretty sure the doctor would tell me to rest and/or expensive orthotics.  As I am inherently cheap, I was going to save that option for last.  The second option would be to go see a sports chiropractor.  There are a couple of fantastic ones in my area that I have seen in the past.  They are knowledgeable in Active Release Technique and really know how to work out those aches and pains that athletes get during training.  But.... they often come with rigorous PT (physical therapy) sessions.  And I am also inherently lazy.  So I decided to try acupuncture.  Cheap and I get to lay in a recliner for an hour napping?  I am so there!

This has been my first time trying acupuncture.  An ancient Chinese treatment that involves positioning of needles and aligning one's flow of qi, it certainly falls into alternative medicine.  My thoughts were that I had nothing to lose if it didn't work.  I mostly just want to get through the race and then plan on resting the ankle and letting whatever is injured heal.  Talking to the girl, she assured me that they could help.  The weird thing is, it has been helping.  With just the first treatment, I could walk on the ankle without any pain at all.  I will admit, it might be psychosomatic, but whatever works!  So twice a week, I head to the shop, have needles placed in my ankle and other spots around my body and "nap" for an hour.

It doesn't look pretty, does it?

Sunday:  8.25 run

Monday: 1300 swim

Taper: My ideas

Taper is a word that athletes hate and love.  It is a hard part of training to navigate, and it took me many races to feel more comfortable with what a taper is.  That certainly doesn't mean I do it correctly.  One of the problems is there are many thoughts and opinions  about what a taper is and how to taper correctly.  I believe that each athlete has to figure it out on his/her own, kind of like nutrition.

I am tapering now for the half-ironman next Saturday.  (EEEEK!)  So this morning we went for a 2 hour bike ride.  It wasn't just time, although this mileage was certainly less than the last couple of weeks.  It is also effort.  A good taper for me needs to balance the desire to not lose what I have built up with the necessity to give my legs and body enough of a rest that they feel fresh and ready to go on race day.  That is hard to balance!  I head out on my bike.  Part of me wants to push hard.  Maybe one last good training ride will help me be stronger, I think.  Another part of me thinks.... TAPER!!!! I don't have to push at all!  I get to rest!  I know, though, that it needs to be somewhere in between that.  I want to still get a good training ride in.  But it shouldn't be all out.  To steal a word from my coach, I need to manage my ride.

It was mostly a good taper ride.  Until my partner decided that we should add a loop that is very very hilly.  First gear hilly.  Maybe even a bad word or two hilly.  And we were planning on ending our ride at our favorite breakfast spot, so my eating and nutrition wasn't as solid.  My legs were heavy at the end of this.  And we didn't have time for our 10 min. shake out run.  But that is ok.  A good training plan, just like life, needs to be flexible both mentally and physically.  Both of us are comfortable with those heavy brick legs after a bike, so although we would have liked to have that run, we both know it isn't a huge deal.  The saddest thing was we pushed our time way too late and she wasn't able to sit and enjoy our breakfast together.  Yes, I am more sad at missing her at breakfast than missing my run.  Maybe that is why I am not fast?  HA!

Anyways, my 2 hour "taper" ride is done.  Tomorrow is my 8 mile taper run.  I wanted to get a picture of the beauty that surrounds me around my bike rides, but never got my phone out.  Next time.

Thursday:  Track workout
Friday:  50 min spin:  15 min. warmup, 30 min. comfortably hard, 5 min. cool down
Saturday:  2 hour 20 min. bike ride/ 32 miles

Open Water

Most of the time, my training takes place with my training partners.  Training Partner.  Those two words sound very professional.  Training Partner.  Someone who engages in the same activity while training for a race.  But let me tell you..... there is almost as much an intimate relationship with training partners as there is for a spouse or a best friend.  In fact, my main training partner probably is my best friend.  When you spend hours running and biking together, you open up conversation to more than just weather and training plans.  Spirituality, family, hopes and dreams, and unfortunately, bodily functions are discussed and hashed over the miles.

So, anyways.  Yesterday was my day off for the week.  Hallelujah!  A glass of wine earned the night previous with no morning workout.  But my training partner called and asked if I would be willing to do an open water swim with her.  She had yet to test out her wetsuit in open water.  The last time she tried it, it was in an unheated pool and it was so cold the wetsuit barely helped.  The lake we would swim in was a highly trafficked lake with boats.  And it is shaped more like the river it originally was before dams made it officially a lake.  So instead of swimming, I kayaked next to her for safety purposes.  It was perfect.  The lake was smooth.  There were deer along the banks.  Ducks were out.  Hawks were flying overhead.  And I kayaked slowly listening to her strokes and her hums as she breathed.  It was a beautiful evening.

Tuesday's workout:
Morning:  6 miles running (20 min. slow, 30 min fast, 20 min slow)
Evening:  Mini tri:  500 swim, 40 min. on trainer in group, 8 min running with 30 sec pickups.

Wed:  OFF

Scattered and Sad Thoughts

I, like most everyone, was shocked and saddened to hear about the tragedy at the finish line of the Boston Marathon.  I haven't watched the footage yet.  I am not sure I will.  Reading the new reports and seeing the still photos are almost too much.

A finish line is more than just a line.  It is an accomplishment.  It represents hours of hard work.  It represents achieving a goal.  But it is not just the line.  It is the spectators that fill that line.  It is the family and friends of the athletes that make that finish line so amazing.  Those spectators, whether they are there for you or other athletes, is what makes the finish line so powerful.  Last year, when I finished my first marathon, my family came out to cheer for me at multiple spots on the course.  I instructed my girls that as they waited to see me pass, to make sure they spent their time cheering on the other runners.  The spectators and their signs really do help every athlete that passes them.  Even when those signs weren't made for you, they can make you smile and make you think of something other than yourself on the course.

It was the spectators that were hit the hardest.  The ones who were cheering on, not just their loved ones, but every runner who was there yesterday.  I anxiously am waiting to hear the stories of heroism and generosity that I know will come.  Those stories are in every tragedy.  I spent my run this morning thinking about the athletes, thinking about the spectators, and keeping Boston in my heart and thoughts.  The run was hard.  Those thoughts were extra weight, but I am not complaining (although it sounds like it!)  I am blessed.  By my body's ability to run.  By my family supporting and cheering for me.  By being able to run many races and hear those spectators cheer me on.  By not knowing anyone personally that was injured yesterday.  And my heart and my run today is dedicated to all those who were personally affected.

First Post.... Why?

I am not sure why I am writing this.  I guess because on my last training ride, I decided that reading blogs from people who run or train is always inspiring.  At the same time, it can be frustrating.  I am not fast.  I will never be fast.  Due to biomechanics, genetics, lack of race mentality, and... well.... to be honest, too much love for sugar and alcohol, I will never place in the top of my age group.  And yet, I still sign up for races.  So I am writing this to put my frustrations, my thoughts, and my inspirations as I train for my own races.

I am currently two weeks away from my first half-ironman.  I should be starting my taper soon.  I don't know if I feel ready.  I mean, I can finish this thing.  And hopefully before the cut-offs.  But will I feel strong?  How much will it hurt?  Do I really want to hurt?  The training has been tough.  And a lot of things have gotten in the way.  Spring break trips, previous commitments.  Carving out time for a 4 hour bike ride isn't always easy.  I am not sure I will ever do another one of these based on the time commitment for training alone.  One weekend morning spent running or biking is good.  It allows me my time, especially when I am doing it with my training partners who also happen to be some of my favorite people to hang out with.  But carving out two weekend mornings?  Away from my family?  That is hard and not enjoyable.  It becomes a chore to do.  A check off only.  I am not really happy living my life just checking off.  Sixteen weeks of getting up at dawn, slipping out of the house before my family wakes up, and spending that time training has past.  And I missed those weekend mornings around the kitchen table with waffles or pancakes with my girls.  They are older now, two of them are teenagers.  I am not leaving a burden on my husband for child care.  But my time with them is now becoming limited.  They are busy with their own schedules.  In just a few short years they will be leaving to head off to college and live their own life.  I thought it would be easier as they got older, and it has.  Another but.....there is still a balance that is hard to figure out.

On the plus side, my husband and girls are so very supportive.  "Yeah Mom!" greets me after every training run/ride.  Talk about setting goals and doing the hard work to achieve those goals is happening around the dinner table.  Most importantly, watching mom achieve those goals without the glory of age-group wins makes an impact that I see on them.  It is not just about being the fastest or the best.  It is not  about comparing yourself to what others can do better than you.  It is about living your own life with your own passion.  It is about working hard towards your own goals and improvements.  It is about knowing you are stronger than you think.