First Post.... Why?

I am not sure why I am writing this.  I guess because on my last training ride, I decided that reading blogs from people who run or train is always inspiring.  At the same time, it can be frustrating.  I am not fast.  I will never be fast.  Due to biomechanics, genetics, lack of race mentality, and... well.... to be honest, too much love for sugar and alcohol, I will never place in the top of my age group.  And yet, I still sign up for races.  So I am writing this to put my frustrations, my thoughts, and my inspirations as I train for my own races.

I am currently two weeks away from my first half-ironman.  I should be starting my taper soon.  I don't know if I feel ready.  I mean, I can finish this thing.  And hopefully before the cut-offs.  But will I feel strong?  How much will it hurt?  Do I really want to hurt?  The training has been tough.  And a lot of things have gotten in the way.  Spring break trips, previous commitments.  Carving out time for a 4 hour bike ride isn't always easy.  I am not sure I will ever do another one of these based on the time commitment for training alone.  One weekend morning spent running or biking is good.  It allows me my time, especially when I am doing it with my training partners who also happen to be some of my favorite people to hang out with.  But carving out two weekend mornings?  Away from my family?  That is hard and not enjoyable.  It becomes a chore to do.  A check off only.  I am not really happy living my life just checking off.  Sixteen weeks of getting up at dawn, slipping out of the house before my family wakes up, and spending that time training has past.  And I missed those weekend mornings around the kitchen table with waffles or pancakes with my girls.  They are older now, two of them are teenagers.  I am not leaving a burden on my husband for child care.  But my time with them is now becoming limited.  They are busy with their own schedules.  In just a few short years they will be leaving to head off to college and live their own life.  I thought it would be easier as they got older, and it has.  Another but.....there is still a balance that is hard to figure out.

On the plus side, my husband and girls are so very supportive.  "Yeah Mom!" greets me after every training run/ride.  Talk about setting goals and doing the hard work to achieve those goals is happening around the dinner table.  Most importantly, watching mom achieve those goals without the glory of age-group wins makes an impact that I see on them.  It is not just about being the fastest or the best.  It is not  about comparing yourself to what others can do better than you.  It is about living your own life with your own passion.  It is about working hard towards your own goals and improvements.  It is about knowing you are stronger than you think.